January 8, 2007

College life

Posted in Random Oddments at 1:56 pm by Calico Jack

One of the “joys” of attending a state university is the diversity of people to encounter — not only in terms of race or socio-economic background or political viewpoints, but also intelligence. Or, as is commonly seen, the lack thereof. I was washing my hands in the men’s restroom and messing around with my hair (allow me a moment of vanity), when two freshmen entered and proceeded to have an intriguing conversation. How did I know they were freshmen? Several things gave them away, including their exaggerated swaggering (honestly, nobody cares how cool you think you are, and the odds of you being redshirts for the football team are pretty much nonexistent.) They also dressed like cheap knockoffs of pimps — not uncommon in today’s “everybody welcome!” collegiate attitude, but the kicker was their freshmen orientation T-shirts barely visible underneath the dazzling displays of fool’s-gold chains (never was a term more appropriate) and crystal-studded jewelry. Perhaps they thought that proudly revealing their allegiance to their university made them cooler. This same university is forcing the rest of the incoming class of 2010 to endure their presence for the next…well, if by some chance a miracle happens and they end up graduating, four years. I, on the other hand, must only bear with them for another couple of semesters, a thought which brings me endless joy.

Now you might be saying to yourself, “How can he possibly be so judgmental based only on appearance?” And I would agree with you, had I not heard a conversation which cemented their lowly status in my mind, the gist of which went like this:

Pimp-in-training: “Yo, [expletive deleted], what up with that [expletive deleted] class we just had? The [expletive deleted] professor don’t know none of that [expletive deleted] he’s was talkin about.”

Future dropout: “[expletive deleted], I know, man! I just wanna drop out and [expletive deleted] this [expletive deleted]. This whole [expletive deleted] is a waste of my [expletive deleted] time.”

Pimp-in-training: “You should get rid of your [expletive deleted] orientation class. That [expletive deleted] ain’t worth nothing.”

Future dropout: “Yeah, but that [expletive deleted] prof has a mighty fine [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] on her. I’d like to [whole string of expletives deleted for my fingers’ sake], you know?”

Pimp-in-training: “[expletive deleted] yeah! That [expletive deleted] would be a [expletive deleted] once I had five minutes with her. [expletive deleted], man, I could teach that [expletive deleted] course.”

Future dropout: “Man, we all could teach that [expletive deleted]. Y’all don’t realize just how lucky the [expletive deleted] ladies are going to be this year.”


I sincerely hope for the [expletive deleted] ladies’ sake, that they come to realize what fine specimens of manhood they have been blessed to share a campus with, and act accordingly. Oh, the joys of a state university…

1 Comment »

  1. Shay said,

    Now, one would expect, or at least not be surprised, to hear a conversation like that at a state university. However, at a small, rural, private, and terribly expensive university you would expect students to be a bit more serious about their studies. However, my university has recently felt the pressure to prove itself as a “diverse” university (yes, for those of you who know which university I am referring to, you may now burst out in laughter). The current freshman class has officially been “diversified.” I have nothing against cultural diversity. I do have something against denying academically worthy students and replacing them with a “pimp-in-training” on scholarship.

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