June 24, 2006

Being a Better Boyfriend, part 1

Posted in Personal, Relationships at 3:37 pm by Elizabeth Swann

I know there have been many of these lists in the past, but I thought I’d just write one of my own. This is directed towards guys about how girls like to be treated and ways to make them feel special. For you girls out there reading this, these are some things you could look for in your boyfriend. I know that every guy is different and each has his own way of caring and showing girls love. Since I’ve had such a great experience with the man of my dreams, these are my top things that he does for me; I know there are countless ways he has shown me love, but these are my favorite.

1. Treat her like she is the most special person in the world every day. This first one actually encompasses everything else that I’m going to write. But if you keep this thought in the back of your mind and if you treat her like your princess, she will know just how much she means to you.

2. Whisper “I love you” when she least expects it. Remember that a girl never tires from hearing these three, simple little words that have a powerful meaning behind them. With these she is encouraged and strenghtened by a love which only you can give her.

3. If you are ever in a group and are apart, glance, smile, and wink at her. This gives her a reminder that even though you may be talking with others, your thoughts are always upon her and that it is your desire to be with her at that very moment. One such look can instantly melt her, and without a word it can mean a thousand things.

4. Laugh and cry with her. No matter what may have caused the joy or the sorrow, she likes to share these moments with you. In times of sadness, you are the one that she leans on, and in times of joy she wants you to be just as happy as she is.

5. Be patient with her. Whether she is extremely talkative or a bit shy and has problems communicating, wait gently for her and don’t stay frustrated for very long.

6. Be a gentleman. This one may be a little obvious, but you may be surprised at how often this can be overlooked. Doing such simple things, as opening a car door or holding open a door for her to enter in a building, is greatly appreciated. Though she may persist that she’s independent and can do that for herself, deep down she really wants you to do it. It is good to start this habit early in the relationship.

7. Be a man of your word so as to gain her trust. This is one of those foundations upon which a great relationship is built. Once broken, a trust is hard to regain; so don’t do anything that would give her doubts, and be ready to stand by your word.

8. Initiate deeper conversations with her. Not everything has to be surface level, such as talking about your day or week. Share with her your secrets, dreams, desires, and struggles; and she will respond and do likewise. Doing this brings you into a deeper level of intimacy as you discover more and more about your beloved every day.

9. Cup her face, look into her eyes, and tell her how much you love her and how much she means to you.

10. Be her friend. Notice that in the word “boyfriend” we find the word “friend,” which implies that friendship is a key for a good relationship. Don’t be in a relationship just for the physical aspect of it. Get to know her as a friend first before you start anything else. Do all that being a friend entails. I know for me, I intend on marrying my best friend, who also happens to be the one man I will ever love-I get the best of both worlds!

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10 Comments »

  1. Keishah Copner said,

    i wish that my boyfriend would do that. Ive gained like 45+ pounds since i have been with him. sometimes he get grouchy and pushes or grabs really hard. He says that i dont do what he likes to do? and i dont……so what do i do?

  2. Nikki said,

    leave his ass…if he is pushing you and grabbing you now get away from him even though its hard and you may love him….its better to leave now before things escalte. ive been in an abusive relationship and they wont change and they wont stop no matter what they say. trust me i know. your man isnt special he can be replaced and he WILL NOT CHANGE. i learned the hard way please save yourself from him now. hes a piece of shit.

  3. Andy said,

    My girlfreind wants me to be more committed to her after 6 months but i feel we have a few issues still. i do want to be committed to her in the near future but she dosent belive me. how can i prove it to her?

  4. Artie said,

    I agree guys can be problematic, ive learned and adapted from watching their mistakes in relationships and i do everything possible not to do the wrog things, i also was raised right by my mother to love people and respect them, especially women and i have a gread deal of respect for women. I have a girlfriend, Saggitarius, and im a Pices, im very emotional and loving,shes not so loving,more needy, God knows I love her and I literaly do everything for her, all I want in return is to feel loved and not used.I always hold the door for her,spend every penny I have,honest even if it costs me my relationship,loving,tell her sweet things daily,make her scrapbooks, and cds of romantic music buy her nice things and do surprises and things like that,I once brought her a rose in my mouth on a bike to surprise her at the movies with her friends when i came back from Tennesee,six miles one way, I dont have a car yet so i ride my bike, i literaly ride between 10-20+ miles to see her daily, sometimes i walk to her house, even to say i love you or get her food like subway or just to go hug her and say youre beautiful.Im very romantic, everything has to be perfect and amazing like a fairy tale almost. I believe so much in love that I lost over 110 lbs of fat to find love, and it lead me to her and everything in my life matters more then love. For our future im training for Marines, she goes to college and wants me to go to colege too, im hopeing for Vetrenarian, well see. But she seems like she doesent love me allot,im always doing for her, and i jsut want love and acceptance in return, but its always like arthure can you do this and that, am i a prisoner of love, a love slave? Shes nice but im so confused if she loves me or playing games. I too would like her to do something sweet for me like make me a cd or do something nice like surprise me when im working, im a sentimental person and im tough but when it comes to love it is my cryptonite.Ive tested her and all hands point to love, she sticks by me thrugh the bad, but is it love or does she need a man who she knows can literally do everything for her? i did chenge for her, stoped drinking and doing drugs, going to church, being nice and helpfull even to strangers, NEVER asking for moneyh or anything in return, 9th month in relationship….all i want is to KNOW she loves me for real, how to test her or find out if this is real?Help me out girls, any advice appreciated, i really do love and respect you ladies for everythign you put up with with guys, im trying my best to be the man that women want and treat all women right,God knows i never hit a girl or yelled at her, and im doing my best and its killing me, im only 23 and shes 19, what to do?i like being who i am, and i like helping her, even with her homework for hours, in fact, im doing her homework now and shes here smiling at me not knowing what im up to, i love her and want to be with her, only if its pure and real, she is my angel, dont wanna lose her, please help, for once can someone help me?

  5. Artie said,

    P.S. sorry for the misspelling, im tired, been up since 5am reading death of a salesman so i can write an ending for her for 20% grade for school so i apoligize. I was reading what i wrote and want to correct one thing i wrote wrong up top “and it lead me to her and everything in my life matters more then love” thats not right, i means “and it lead me to her and everything in my life isint as important as love” to me, love is my reason. thanks and i hope for some help. God bless you all and remember, im not perfect. but as my sweet Polish mother always used to say “there are plenty of loser guys out there, you just have to pick the one you want to be with.” good luck and lots of hugs ladies, i feel your pain and would like to end with a quote.

    “Let love not be your reason for pain, let pain be your reason for love”

    With love and respect
    Arthur

  6. Jay said,

    Here is a good question and I think that if there is another human out there that has figured this out, we may be on the right track to “Understanding the female tendencies”. I am an all around nice guy that hasnt been picky in the past with girls, not since I have met Jessica (my new girlfriend of 3 months). Now she is your typical bombshell barbie with blonde hair and hazel eyes. Well heres the catch, Both Jessica and I have both just left a relationship dealing with that certain ex that you would want your worst enemy to date after the 2 year mark. Horrible, coniving, dishonest, you know…. My concern is being a true good guy, Normally works 50-60 hours a week, doesnt play around at the bars that much anymore with the guys, and I like just relaxing more and more with her. Well the comfort level has been lifted to an almost everyday ordeal. We see each other every day which is great, but the fact that we both live at home while the house is being built ( done in December ) she has this case of “I must stay the night all the time”. Now being 25 years old, and Jessica is newly 21, her parents are great and love me, but I dont feel comfortable doing that? What is the main concern with us leaving the comfort zone to make them happy, and its only a sleepover, cuddle session, whatever. I want to spark the relationship more, but I need to know the trust factor that HAS to be met first. Both being out of a crappy ex situation, When do you know that she is solely in love for you? When do you know that you dont have to worry about that ex coming back in the picture? When do you meet your comfort zone to where there isnt any worries? At what point in a relationship is the average time before you can feel that the person can be your best friend?

  7. nolan said,

    this is really right rather people believe different this is the best site i have found my gf and i have been having problems lately and it’s mainly my faught thank you for the help

    nolan

  8. justin said,

    I just wanted to say that I looked at this site mainly to see if I’ve been doing everything right. I have and so has she. People, thats really what its all about. When you want someone, you dont look for them, it just happens. Thats when the joy of love steps in and takes control. Let me share my story of how my girlfriend and I “happend”. About 7 months ago, I wasn’t looking for anyone. All of my previous realationships really tore the trust out of my life with any girl. I thought that maybe I didnt know what I was looking for and that maybe I wouldnt know until after college or something. Well, I had a class at PCC last semester. First day, I was looking for it, and I walked down the hallway and just picked a room with someone in it that could maybe help me. The first room I picked had the most beatiful girl I had ever seen in there. Heres the catch, (but not really a catch, people just seem to see it that way) but she was in a wheelchair. About her, 4 years ago she was in a accident that paralyzed her. She had alot of support from family and friends who raised money for her to go and have an experimental surgery done for her. She had stem cells taken out of her nose and put into her back which within a year formed new nerves in her thighs. So, now she basically paralyzed from the knees down. Anyway, when I first saw her I thought, ok she cant have sex and for most guys that would be a delima because thats what goes through all of our heads alot. But…..It didnt bother me. Something told me to talk to her anyway. Finding out that this “other guy” that didnt care about sex at all but just her, really changed my life. I know that sounds kind of bad but guys just dont admit it sometimes that sex is a big issue with them and if you cant then its a problem. That was the last thing on my mind! When she first said “hey” she instantly had my heart. I thought, here is a girl who isn’t trying to impress anyone. She was as “real” as the air I breathe. She used to be a radiation therapist until the accident and then fell into teaching afterward. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do, right? Either way, she seemed more happier with life than any girl I had ever met. Within a couple of days we traded numbers and two weeks later we were dating. It really helped that I didn’t have to have sex in my head, I could just have a realtionship that was about everything else and enjoy it. Then, a month later we are talking on the phone and she tells me how she can still have kids and sex. What made it real for me though is that I had never wanted anybody more and I didn’t think that they could have sex. Guys, thats what its all about. I never knew it until her. Everything we do is on this list. Even in blockbuster, i’ll get behind her and just whisper, “your the most amazing girl” or “I love you”. In return, at family parties, the mall, even church she’ll give me a wink. Every morning when we wake up, we wake up with smiles on our faces because we know we get to have another day together. Even in the beginning we both tried to find something about one another that maybe wasn’t a big deal but just kind of got on each others nerves because there is always “someting” about someone you meet that might have that. We couldn’t find a thing……we new that we were meant to be together. Of course I never thought that the person I would be the happiest with would be someone in a wheelchair….Nobody does! It just goes to show you that love can be anywhere you just have to let love find you. We compromise on everything, I’ll cook breakfast and she’ll cook supper, (yes, she cooks…a great cook at that!) She does everything on her own. Even drives! I’ve never met anyone so strong and so……..amazing! She is the kind of person that I “try” to be everyday. She really brought and still brings out the best in me. I’ve never had a “stress-free” relationship before. Before I was always worried about the cheating thing or I felt like I had to try to make it work everyday. With her, from day one, I’ve never tried to be happy…….she just makes me feel secure and happy just by looking at me. I have never seen so much trust in someones eyes before. When you meet someone that you don’t have to try to do anything…just be happy and thankful that your with them……then…………………………you found love. Thanks for reading this and if you have any thing you want to talk to me about. Just email me.

  9. Tom said,

    My girlfriend and i have been going out for a month now. It was great in the being but now theres not much communicating. At school we dont even act as though we are going out. We dont hold hands or anything. On aol we hardly talk and when we do, she just says hi, nothing, short words like that. And when i call her she hardly picks up. When i questioned her about us, she says we are doing fine and she would tell me if she wasn’t happy. Sometimes i get so frustrated i want to break up. I have talked to my other friends and they think that she just doesn’t know how to be a good gf and is nervous and doesn’t want to do something bad. What should i do?

    Tom

  10. Jordan said,

    My girlfriend Christina and I have been going out for almost 2 and a half years. I knew almost right from the beginning that I loved her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a girlfriend and someday a wife. She’s the most beautiful girl i could dream of and my best friend. I even knew how i was going to propose to her very early on. The first 6 months went great, but then I started messing up and treating her badly. I started not listening to her, being selfish, and just generally being an asshole. I’ve made her cry more times than I can count and I’ve broken too many promises. I just thank god that shes had the heart to stay with me for another 2 years. But I know she wont stay with me much longer if I keep on acting this way, and I don’t blame her. I want to be that guy she fell in love with again cuz i don’t want to lose her. This list was very helpful but the comments left by people here have really opened my eyes to what could be my future if I don’t change my ways. Christina is the best thing to happen to me, she’s saved me. I’m gonna fight to the death for her. If you’re in the same situation, do whatever it takes to keep your girlfriend happy cuz you may never find another like her.

    p.s. I love you Christina, always and forever


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